Journey of The Heart
Susan looked out the window of the sleeper cabin room on the Via Rail train. Her aqua eyes took in the astonishing Ontario Autumn colors of the trees the further North she had gone. The 29 year old woman brushed her red hair back from her face as she leaned forward. It was almost as if she had never seen such wonderful sites before. ''Wow.'' She whispered to herself as she felt the train coming to a slow down, as it was going to stop at the next stop. Susan was by Kenora, Ontario, and was far away from her home town of Kitchener. She was so glad that she was gone, leaving it all behind. She was leaving her family, her friends, and everything else she knew her whole life behind forever. She was moving up to Lake Louise, Alberta. She had always contemplated a change, as she needed a change. She was tired of the same old scene, same old people hurting her or disappointing her; she was tired of the abuse and neglect that her familt fed her when ever she had a chance to see them. Tired of her friends stabbing her in the back, and tired of heart break. She felt she didn't belong in her own born city, and some place she had never been to before might do the trick. She was now in transition, and as the train came to a halt, she could almost feel her heart breaking away. She however did love a certain individual back home, but he dared not to love her back, and broke her heart mere weeks before she departed. It was then she decided it was time to leave after he shattered the last part of her heart.
A tear rolled down her face as she felt the amiliar sting of pain hit her once again. It was sorrow, but this time, it was mixed with anxious excitment. Susan was scared indeed, but she knew she would be okay. She started to bawl as she thought about Rob, the man she fell in love with too swiftly. She barely knew the man, as they only dated for almost 3 weeks before he ended things on them. Susan assumed that it was it when she was with him. He just treated her so good compared to all the other men she had been with her entire dating life. Poor thing; and now she was lost in herself, attmepting to escape all the pain of her past by running, and starting all over from scratch. It was the only thing she could do, was attempt to erase her memories of her childhood, her family, and the so called friends who betrayed her in the end, and most of all heartbreak.
The only reason that she was bawling in the confines of the train, was because she thought of Rob. How good he was with her, recalling how he'd look at her, and they'd seem to stare into eachother's eyes for hours on end without breaking a glance. She thought about how he actually made love to her, and it wasn't just sex. It was love; and faster than it came, he left her. She thought about him coming in froma landing from the UK, as he was visiting his homeland for a week, as he was due back the day after she left Kitchener. She thought about a week prior when he stopped by at her place to pick up a book, he actually planted a kiss on her lips as they bid farewell to each other. She had a deep love for him, but he simply wasn;t ready for any sort of relationship. Susan only concluded that Rob's ex lover helped contribute to that by being around him a lot while Susan was dating him. He possibly still had feelings for her, and wasn't willing to fess up to it. Though he'd never go back to her, or would he?
It was out of Susan's reach now, she was long gone, and looking forward to forgetting everyone that had ever hurt her. She was willing to let go of those haunting memories; the ones where she was tormented by her family her whole life. Her own mother never encouraged her, as she was always trying to put her down and make her feel alienated all because she couldn't succeed, and wasn't happy herself. So Susan's mother thrived on making her own daughter feel like shit. Her mother used to hit her as a child, but only at the times where Susan was proven to be correct about something. Even as a young adult, her mother still chose to hit her, but she made a last attempt a year prior, because Susan finally stood up to her mother. Her mother basically disowned her, but yet decided to still speak with her on a rare occasion. Her brother mocked and teased her, but it didn't faze Susan much due to the fact that she knew her brother was never going to get anywhere in life. He was just a miserable little prick, that only cared about getting stoned and drunk all of the time.
Susan reached down to her carry-on-bag, and unzipped it. She pulled out a large photograph of her and Rob dining in Niagara-Falls. It was a nice a picture of her and him together, it was too bad that he didn't want the other picture, and it only saddned her all the more. Susan kissed the picture and looked at him for a moment or two. ''I miss you.'' A few more tears fell from her eyes as she placed the picture back into the bag, and she looked around the stop as the train began to move once again. She had almost 2 days left on the train, and she was just going to sit there until dinner was called out. Her sleeper class offered all meals included and a shower. It was a great way to travel, as it sure as hell beat taking the bus. Susan wasn't much for flying at all; due to the fact that she was an extreme nervous flyer, and with each flight she took, her hands would be ivory white from clutching the arms of the seat so hard that her knuckles felt as though they would pop right out of her skin. She would remain in that tight position no matter if the flight was 10 or more hours long, she would always get off that plane pinching herself to see if she was still alive.
A sigh rolled from her mouth as she thought forward instead of backward this time. She wondered who she was going to be meeting out in Lake Louise for when she arrived at her hotel. She was now going to be a Housekeeping Supervisor, instead of just a houekeeper. She had no experience in supervising, but she was going to make an effort in stepping up and trying it. She was ofered the position, so she took it. Susan could feel a wave of mass excitment throw her off her sadness. Susan just simply applied online for a housekeeping job all across Canada, just to escape her old life and start all over again. She knew she wasn't going to ever meet anyone out in Lake Louise, so she chose it out of several offers. It was too remote to have a high population, and not only that; one must never mingle with the guests. She thought of the possibility of still meeting a new man out there, but threw that thought out the window. They would either be already taken, or would just simply break her heart again. She just wasn't interested, and would rather die alone instead of having to go through a milion more series of heart breaks. Susan never did have luck with men. Not that she was ugly, as she was far from being that. Perhaps she was too nice?
It was a terrible world. Love was only a one way street; it never had gone both ways for her. Even if it took months for her to fall in love, and when things were seemingly looking great, ''bam'' her dreams were murdered, her heart was shatered, and she was left in the dark along with the cold memories. Susan had a long way to go yet before hitting Lake Louise Alberta. She stood up in her cabin once she heard that dinner was going to be served in the diner car. She opened her door and wandered through the train corridor, and through another sleeper cabin, then through the economy class to get to the diner car. She offered smiles to strangers who made eye contact with her, she appeared confident, but inside she was still screaming agony. She was seated with a young couple at a table, they looked as though they were close to her age. They started chatting it up with her, finding out they were from the States and was touring Canada. Susan was turned on by the fact that they were from the USA, she loved the States!
Susan loved Texas the best. She assumed it was because it was the only place where she felt most at home from the friendly folks she met down there. Bu the couple was from Virginia, and they told her that they toured Canada once a year. A wave of envy flowed through Susan, only because they were from the States, and she also happened to fall in love with Virginia; but that was because she used to date an American man who was living in Virgina for a few years as he was from Texas originally. She got along very well with the couple, and bid them a fair evening; they too bid Susan a wonderful night. On her way back to her cabin, she was stopped by an older gentleman who possibly was in his mid 40's. He happened to like what he saw and asked for Susan's phone number. Susan studied him hard, indeed he was cute, but wasn't worth the heartache. ''I am flattered, but no thanks.'' She was swift with her answer and to the point. She passed him by, without making eye contact with him, and moved toward her sleeper cabin.
A total stranger wanted her number... Wow! She in a way felt that she should have accepted it, but she wasn't going to allow her desperation and loneliness get in the way this time. Perhaps it was part of why Rob left her. What human wasn't ever needy from time to time? Not that she was, but she was more worried about his health than anything when they were together, all because he had a heart attack a few weeks before they started dating. So she'd call him daily and check up on him to see if he was alright. Nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that an old friend who was also friends with Rob decided to back stab one of them, and Susan was the one to get the hit. Karen assumed Susan was being possessive, needy, and dependant on Rob. Susan was far from that, she enjoyed her freedom; yet Karen had the adasity to stipulate that Susan was the two-faced friend. Karma, was the first thing Susan could think of once Rob broke it off with her. It was toward Karen because she knew Karen stated something to Rob, for him to break it off with Susan.
She wasn't born yesterday, as Susan figured out the moment Rob stated that he didn;t want to see her anymore. ''Karen said something didn't she?'' Susan accused. ''No, this has nothing to do with anyone else. Its me. I'm just not ready.'' He said to her.
''Oh come on, I wasn't born yesterday. Just three days ago you hung out with her, and then now suddenly you're breaking up with me!?''
''What makes you say its her fault?'' Rob asked.
''Because she and I were chatting on the phone the day you were there. You just left her place as I was chatting with her. She said I should be with someone else because she assumed I didn't trust you. I do trust you. We sort of got into a bit of an argument over it, and I asked if she said anything to you. She denies it. I'm not stupid, I know something was said; all because I calld you while you were there, she assumed I was being a possessive little bitch.'' Susan stated, taking a breath afterward.
Rob just looked at her and denied the assumptions that Susan stated. Deep down inside Susan knew something was said, she wasn't a fool. How could Karen just do that to her? Take away her happiness! She did tell Karen about her and Rob, and by the tone on the phone from Karen, she didn;t seemed all that pleased . Yet Karen was married to a man named Bryan. Deep within the core of Susan's soul, she wished that karma would seek Karen through with having Bryan leave her for someone else; just so that she could observe, sit back and laugh her ass off for when it took place. She now hated Karen, it was official.
Once Rob left Susan's place, Susan hopped online and started applying all across Canada, just to get the hell out of where she was. Not even a week went by, and she was already hired on in Lake Louise. She just needed to postpone her arrival in order to sell all of her things, and throw away the rest of what wasn't sold. A lot happened in 2 weeks for her. Betrayal of a good friend, a broken heart once again, and now she left her minimum wage paid job where they treated her like shit. It wasn;t only her that was being treated accordingly. The entire Housekeeping department was being treated like crap! Susan used to love working at the hotel, but now she hated it. It was like a bad rash, a chore, a plague. So many loop holes where made, and Susan was bright enough to manipulate the employer right back a few months prior. Her employer threated her the loss of her job, all because Susan took her vacation for 2 weeks, and was stranded for 5 days in Texas, and had to hitch hike home. Susan placed her life in immense danger just to get her ass home to her minimum wage job. It went to show you that she valued ehr job much better than her own life. At that point in her life, she didn;t care what happened to her.
She was just so sick and tired of never being good enough for anyone she encountered. Tired of waking up every morning with a frown because she hated her job that much, and finding a job in the region was more difficult than finding one out of the Province.
Susan sighed as she entered into her room. She closed the door behind herself, and hoped into her bed and looked out the window. It was getting dark and things were becomming harder to see. She imagined they were just about out of Ontario by then. The sound of the tracks and the sound of the horn blaring was a soft white noise, and she could feel her eyes beginning to droop.