GODS ARE WOMEN

Fucking sin penetrated me Tonight.
For once.
The way you wish for harder and
a burst of veins pumping bitter blood and anticipation
while my delusion reminds me of the longlost moment where
fiction meets reality, and really I,
can start living like a miracle.
Untangling knots so tightly wrapped around my throat, I look for scissors first
Then I remember these cords can be mine again, left for free ready to reach the bottom of my throat and attach themselves down there. For I could never again create their temporary death while I couldn’t smile for a while without the certainty that my voice was tongue-tied.
Yet this burden of a body who mistakes nicotine for food
Finally the pressure is let loose and my arms can reach for higher
but nonetheless freedom does taste as good as this endless floor of dirt and greenery
The vast is something powerful, closely magical, you see when you find yourself being small, so small that a tree can swallow your shadow, well there are so many dreams to grow inside of it.
My untouched health, because I prefer not knowing than to suffer from the truth
Kindly my body lets me do my daily routine- joint at the grip of my fingers ready to be fumed into worriless instants where my mind grants me indulgence within forgetful memories I no longer can remember.
Here’s to reason, and here’s to her coveting my lips with desire, or need
I can’t discern which is which when it is a question of addiction
You see, I need fire to burn my stick so that I can breathe exceptionally well
When I powder my lungs of smoke, I feel like the world is in my chest once I inhaled what it made me breathe and so when I exhale, it’s like the world becomes digestable, the good can stay inside, but the bad has to be pushed out of it.
Joint burning and peace crackling at the beginning of my endless chaos spiraling back and forth between shameful eyes and unfit mental profile to gather the ends
loosing the track before I miss my next ego death, I must collect all of the sunken joy left buried underneath the tons of leaves covering my grave.
I keep the puff inside of my lungs for as long as possible, otherworldly, I do everything in my power to be as high as people’s sobriety no matter the stakes I wish to be higher than their calling, for I have not yet made peace with the woman who’s a stranger but also me when I’m off the medication
My nose breathes like it never did, maybe the thought that the more I let in, the more I can let go after
But for only a moment, an ephemeral universe where time continues but the clock keeps you from running against yourself
It is so childish I find, to smoke my suffering away for I need moments, as short as they can be I don’t care, where my eyes don’t keep seeing the same films who made them hurt
I don’t want my body to be in agonizing pain from removing all the analgesics
Remember how oxygen can combust into a cut throat breath when emotion meets body
Although disembodied nerves and shocks lurk around my neck, I can’t seem to forget the shivering fear of not knowing where they come from, or even if they are mine at all.
This world is made of gas filled tanks and weaponized men who strive for peace as both are the source of the earth’s disintegration.
after breathing for so long I couldn’t stop the burn from drowning my lungs of heat and dust.
Because you see, after all the deaths and the wars, what’s left weighs into the air, blank goldmine feeding us of life while others spend their life making it impossible for us to breathe like we once so easily did before.
Pollution is a virus and man is a disease, I wish for my land to be safe from evil for it could bring wrath upon the grounds on which I so desperately lean on as I walk into nowhere.

I am a Moon-eyed girl, remember me by these words.
My eyes are fulfilled by the temporary Moon who’s perched up near the gods, in her absence,
when she needs to be the light overshadowing the dark of the night and its mysterious secrets
Well in her absence, I love her even more.
Moon-eyed girl because she is stuck in my sight whether I can look at her or whether I can dream of her.
It couldn’t be me I once said, but listen, this girl is me in every story, you see everyone’s selfishness can blame me for being a daughter of the Moon. But time passes by and no one seems to have eyes so dearly taken care of by higher callings, that she meets me at the other end of my sight and leaves me with so much light to spare it could light up a city.
Sadly, the look she gives me comes from unconditional love and that’s something I don’t always believe I deserve.
But as I grow into a woman who’s main worry is to be printed before my last breath, well she tends to lean on my shoulders for I give her the vast she deserves inside of my eyes.
My sight travels miles at a time, and can travel anywhere my imagination can bring me while being closed.
She knows that and she knows I don’t wish for her to be a prisoner of my sight, no of course not.
I wish for her to look at me and see hope, hope and dreams that were never once put to sleep
She’s all glowed up up there and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that she’ll hear me whisper

–
You are the mother that never abandoned me, you weren’t present nor absent, you were permanently away. Away from me and my anxious avoidant attachment style,but before you make an opinion of me, don’t forget that she follows me on my route when I’m alone and the road gets dark. She always tends to be there for me when I most need her, you see she may not say goodbye for weeks at a time, but she stays for as long as I need when it’s time for me to be smothered by Nature’s delicacies.