DADDY ISSUES

Destined child, her future’s bright as the golden walls of Olympus
That is before being born a daughter of a man whose dad mistaken love for violence
The father’s missteps was her grandfather’s wretched care
Beautiful boy with bruises – never complained of his dad’s knuckles on his chest
Rain makes rust – little boy’s tears fall down his plastic cheek
his sorrows turned dust in the blues of its youth
Immigrant father struggling to meet the ends, home comes in different colours
I grieve for you like the moon grieves the end of the night- her marine blue scene killed by the day that turns on the light
this little boy’s hell is his father’s downfall, heaven illusion’s grew rusty in this little boy’s mind
Till he was a man himself and the rustier his childhood got, the farthest heaven was from his eyes.
I name me repulsive because of my unelegant habit to do wrong by who I love
Much less pleased to have once been unscathed, but I learned from the best
Used to my closeted resentment, then he surprises me with defeat.
His hands covering his face, ashamed of it all he does not want me to see him like this
But I always wished to see him like this – weak-kneed, spineless for a moment
And you’ll probably say nothing afterwards
and I’ll need a moment of hush
I’ll need a moment of hush.

words became an escape to something far much more liveable.
Words I told myself before going to sleep
Words you didn’t know how to say
Words you haven’t been told before
//
Oh Florida I guess I have to remember you by my father’s smile
The sand in his hair and the salty water dripping from his shorts
My mother’s at peace, she’s so obviously happy when the strain of income at their neck and the pressure of every month’s test to pass the checks has been let go
But oh when Florida’s wind hits dad’s breath, life became something to play with
During these summer I saw my parent’s teeth more than I ever did all year long
the days were longer and time went slower there
in their ruffled hands, books lovingly torn by interest
embellished faces by the sun kissing their cheekbones enlightened, the tones of life were lighter
Feathery.
The dog days are over now
But Dad, imagine your little girl at the height of your knees, with a man howling the insides of his lungs with fists so tense its skin could tear apart
What I feared the most was once you, or more so what could have driven you to be so mad at me/life back then
Now I believe that the violence that you felt so severely is also the reason why you love so deeply