After Waking

May. Carnations on table. Mother brings soup. Looks. Fingers trace bowl rim twice.

Dusk. Boy sleep.

Night. Foot hurts. No wound. Grips sheet. Teeth shut.

Morning. Hurts. Still.

Walks to door.

Step. Stops. Steps again.

PE. Teacher says run. Runs. Stops. Holds foot.

“Don’t slack.”

Doesn’t move.

Later. Class ends. Classmate says,”Your illness clears fast. Teach me.”

Doesn’t answer.

Night. Hurts. Fist hits foot once. Stops. Hurts. Hits. Stops.

Class. Lies on desk. Chalk flies.

“Fake PE. Fake Chinese now?”

Says nothing. Lies.

Next day. Mother called.

Hospital. Doctor says growing pains. Mother sighs. Takes back.

Night. Thigh shows red spots. Presses. No itch. Pulls shorts. Covers.

Night. Wakes. Foot. Hand. Both.

Left hand grips right. Holds. Shakes. Holds.

Closes eyes. Opens. Still hurts.

Day. Pain. Day. Pain. Day.

Phone rings. Low voice. Hangs. Calls. Hangs.

“Tomorrow. Provincial city.”

Bus. Dizzy. Vomits. Mother pats. Holds bag.

Hospital. Tall. Corridor long. Floor shines. Shadows. Doctor looks.

“How old?”

“Thirteen.”

“Blood and urine first.”

Needle. Cotton. Presses.

Afternoon. Doctor looks results. Long. Long.

“Markers off.”

“What disease?”

“Not sure. Questions first.”

“Family history?”

Mother shakes.

“His father?”

“Gone.”

“You? Your side?”

Mother lowers head. Looks hands. Rubs. Rubs.

“No.”

“Medication first. One month.”

Return. Takes. White. Small.

Day one. Hurts. No sleep.

Day two. Hurts. No sleep.

Day three. Hurts. No sleep.

Day four. Hurts.

Day five. Doesn’t hurt.

Day six. Doesn’t hurt.

Day seven. Hurts again.

Bottle empty. One month gone.

Second trip. Bus. Dizzy. Vomits. She pats.

Old doctor. White hair. Glasses on chest.

“Hand. Foot. Came. Meds. No.”

Mother hands records.

Old doctor looks. Pen taps. Taps. Taps.

Pushes glasses. Looks.

“Shoes off.”

Takes off. Exposes feet.

Bends. Looks. Taps foot.

“Hurt?”

“Yes.”

Sits back.

Taps knee. “Hurt?”

“Yes.”

Taps wrist. “Hurt?”

“Yes.”

Sits back. Pen. Paper. Writes. Stops. Writes.

“Blood. Test something.”

“Tested last.”

“Not key.”

Needle. Red. Waits. Waits.

Old doctor out.”Come.”

“You stay.”

Boy sits. Mother out. Hands clenched. Knuckles white. Release. Clench. Release. Clench.

“Infusion. Six times.”

Room. Chairs row. End. Sits. Nurse. Needle. Liquid. Cool.

Watches. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Hour. Half. Removes.

“Two weeks. Every week.”

Return. Hand hurts less.

“Seems works.”

“Mm.”

Two weeks. Come. Return.

Two more. Come. Three. Four.

Fifth. Mother doesn’t. Factory can’t spare.

Goes alone. Old bag. Zipper. Pin.

Nurse looks. Extra.

“Mother?”

“Work.”

Says nothing. Walks.

Night. His room. Hurts.

Sixth. Infusion. Mother there.

Home. One dish. Two bowls.

“Mom. Medicine cost?”

“Not much.”

Night. Mother’s room. Light on. Door cracked.

She sits on bed. Holding paper. Looks long. Tucks under pillow.

Morning. Mother leaves before dawn.

Goes in. Takes. Looks.

Crumples. Spreads. Smooths. Crumples. Spreads.

Evening. Returns. Bag flat. Notes spread. Counts.

One. One. Smooths. Stacks. Tucks envelope. Edges frayed.

Ten. Eleven. Twelve.

Tenth infusion. Doesn’t go.

“Time.”

“Not.”

“Last time better?”

“Still hurts.”

Mother stands. Looks. Walks.

Night. Hurts. Holds. Teeth.

Mother pushes door. Sits. Hand on back.

“Almost better. Stop soon.”

Closes eyes. Says nothing.

Morning. Mother out. Returns. Notes in hand.

“Go.”

“Where?”

“Infusion.”

“Not.”

“Go.”

“Not.”

“Have money.”

Loud. Pulls. They go.

Thirteenth. Fourteenth. Fifteenth.

No better. Still hurts. Hurts. Hurts.

Factory calls. Mother faints. Hospital.

Drawer. Notes wrinkled. Runs. Bus. Dizzy. Vomits.

Ward. Mother lies. Lips pale. Eyes closed. Open. Close.

IV. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Doctor enters. Old.

“Mother needs treatment too.”

Listens. Hands clenched. Unclench. Clench.

Week. Mother home.

Phone rings. Voice. Hangs. Cuts cord.

Two people. One bowl. Can’t finish.

Stopped. Never back.

Days. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Can’t lie flat. Foam in urine. Flush. Foam stays.

Changes clothes. Old. Loose.

Mother looks. Eyes gray-white. Looks away.

Night. Living room. Stops. Holds chest. Wall. Seconds. Passes. Wall. Passes.

After that day. Sits. Looks feet. Presses. Dent. Long to rise. Dent stays.

Looks up. Window. Leaf falls. Traces. Another. Traces.

Mother sits. Watches. Traces too.

Long. Long. Longer.

Morning. Cool. Wind blows. Clothes sway. One falls. Blue. Jersey.

Mother gets up. Makes porridge. Little rice. Little water.

Goes to his room.

Knock. No answer.

Again. Pushes.

Walks. Pushes shoulder. Gentle. Push. Push.

Doesn’t move.

Painkillers scattered. Floor. Bed. Table. One cup. Two. Empty.

Mother at stove. Stirring. Stirring. Doesn’t look.

Night. Looks at envelope. Doesn’t touch.

Morning. Still there.

Evening. Still there.

Day. Still.
Needle. Arm. Vein. Not found.

Nurse taps. Taps. Taps. Fails.

Other arm. Finds. In. Liquid. Cool.

Hour. Two. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip.