The Firecrackers

My name is Nima. I am a boy. My mom told me that. She knows these things.

I was five. Then there was cake. Now Mom says I am six. Five is gone.

We live up high. So high. When I look down, the cars look like toys.

Mom hangs clothes on the balcony. My clothes, her clothes, Dad’s clothes.

They drip. But first, they go in the noisy box. The washing machine. It shakes like it wants to run away.

Then Mom brought Mina. Very small. My sister. Mom says, “Nima, you are big now. Watch Mina.” I wait. I wait for Mina to get out of the box-bed. Then we can play. Not yet.

Mom says, “Play outside less.” So I am bored. She says, “You are big.” But no friends. I want out. I want to see the kids. Run at them. Laugh. Run. Play till tired. Fall down. Run again. I like the ball best. Mom said, “I buy a ball. No more Kamran’s ball.” That was before.

Now Mom says, “Shoes are expensive.” If I play too much, shoes break. I do not know Expensive. But it is bad. Dad comes home. Tired. No play. He says, “Expensive.” Expensive hates me playing. I saw it at the big store. Food. Toys. Colors. I saw a car. Small car. Like the neighbor boy. He drives in the parking.

Vroom. We laughed. I wanted one. “Mom. Car. Please.” Mom said, “No, Nima. Expensive.”

One day, I find Expensive. I will fight. Like Ahmed. At school. I hit Ahmed. Then the gate closed. No more school. Just home. Mom’s house. My colored pencils are in the bag. In the corner. I do not take them out. Since Expensive came, I sit at the window. Clouds. Yesterday, one looked like ice cream. Cherry on top. Then a rabbit. White cloud rabbit.

Sometimes, Mom looks away. I go to the balcony. I look down. The tree. The crow lives there. He knows me. He says, “Caw.” I say, “Caw caw.” I want to invite him in. Just hello for now. I like animals. Mom… no. Last time, a kitten. Small. I brought him in. To play. Mom screamed. Big cloth. She grabbed the kitten. Took him out. He was learning to play with a ball. He looked at me.

“Meow. Meow.” Then gone.

I was mad at Mom. Very mad. Grandma says, “Respect the guest.” But Mom did not.

A few days ago, a pigeon sat on my window. I talked to him from inside. He said, “Bagh bagh.” Sometimes. I do not think he understood. He kept looking left. Looking right. Head turning. Then Bang. The bird flew. Gone. Maybe Kamran. He has firecrackers in his pocket. I do not like the sound. But this sound was different. Harder. Then I heard it again. Night came. More sounds.

People shouting too. Dad heard the new firecrackers. He said bad words.

Different words. Not the usual ones. Mom said, “Not in front of the child.” But she was scared. Her face changed color. A few nights ago, I saw her crying.

Calling God. I did not know why. Mom talks about God sometimes. She says God is good. Loves us. Helps us. Especially children. If you do bad, He is sad.

If you do good, He is happy. I always wonder… how does God see? Where is He? Mom says, “He sees.” God is a strange thing.

Last night, Dad came. Said to Mom, “Better go to store. Quick.” I put on clothes. Went with them. Mina was asleep. Mom said, “Leave her. We come back fast.” They wanted to leave me too. I cried. Mom said, sad, “Okay. You come. But do not say ‘I want this’. Okay?” I said, “Okay. I won’t say.”

It was hard. Inside the store. So many foods. Chocolates. Different ones. Cookies. Chips. Candy. I could not take any. We came out fast. Dad bought two packs of meat. Some bread. Oil. He kept saying bad words to Expensive.

We walked. I heard firecrackers again. Very loud. Plus grown-ups shouting. Dad said to Mom, “Wrong street. We go back. Another way.” We turned. But sounds behind us got louder too. Dad turned again. Back to the first way. I held Mom’s hand. Tight. Mom bent down. Loud voice: “Nima. Do not let go of my hand. Okay?” I nodded. Yes.

A little later I could not see anywhere. Big people everywhere. All taller than me. Shouting all the time. I wanted to ask Mom: “Why they shout? Did someone do bad?” Maybe if they came to our house… I give them tea. One cup each. And a piece of Mom’s cake. The yummy ones. Then they stop shouting. I should tell Mom. But suddenly my hand was not in Mom’s hand.

I started crying. Loud. “Mom!” I cried. The firecracker sounds got louder. A lady held my hand. Said, “Run.” She looked kind. Big belly. Like Mom before Mina came home. I said, “Let go. I want Mom.” She did not listen. Pulled my hand. Hard.

Sounds were loud. You know… I do not like firecrackers. But remember Kamran? Kids gather around. Laugh. But these grown-ups are strange. Why run from firecrackers? Lady lifted me. To go fast. Screaming behind us. Many times. I do not like firecrackers. But never screamed like this for Kamran.

Suddenly Lady fell on ground. I was under her. Tried to get out. She rolled. I got beside her. Maybe she was tired. You know… sometimes I run in the park. Too much. I fall down. Sometimes knees scrape. Mom scolds me. Lady breathing fast. Fast. She lay on ground. I said, “What happened? Tired? Legs scraped?” Lady just looked. With eyes. The firecracker sounds… stopped.

Lady held my hand again. Said, “Close eyes.” I looked at her. She did not look good. When Mom looks like that… Dad takes her to Doctor. I said, “Need Doctor. Lady.” Lady said, “Mom tell you about Bogeyman?” I got scared. A little. I said, “Yes.” Lady said, “Bogeymen coming now. Here. If you open eyes… You know what they do?” I said, “Yes.” I closed eyes.

Sounds came back. Firecrackers. Very close. Not one by one. All the time. Closer. Then… footsteps. Bogeymen feet. Shoes making noise. Not like Sanaz. Neighbor girl. She is big. Colorful clothes. Stuff on her face. Mom says she has fiance. Her shoes make a tap-tap sound. But not like this. These shoes… heavy.

Firecrackers got closer. Like nights… Mom scared me. Said Bogeyman comes if I do not sleep. I closed eyes. Started counting sheep. But every sheep… bang. Firecracker.

I can count to twenty. Mom said, “When you reach twenty… start from one again.”

Bogeymen footsteps got close. Many of them. Talking. Laughing. Firecrackers… they made them. Heard a firecracker. Near my ear. One shook me. With his foot. I did not move. Not even a little. One Bogeyman said to the other: “Dead.”

Then firecrackers went away. Bogeymen too. I did not open eyes. A little later… someone lifted me from ground. Did not know if Bogeymen. Or grown-ups. So I kept eyes closed. But later… I felt inside a car. Opened eyes.

Slowly. Think it was a big car.

Bad smell. Under me… full of trash bags. The same ones Dad takes out at night. Outside the house. Lady beside me. She was sleeping too. Many others… like her. Sleeping. Bogeymen must be near. That’s why none of them wake up.

Car stopped somewhere. Put me down again. Heard a sound. Zip. Waited. Needed to pee. Opened eyes. Slowly. Dark. Saw nothing. Raised hands. Touched something. Like a blanket. Plastic blanket. Tried to move it. Could not. Mom would scold me. I did not want to. But it happened. Pants got wet.

Then… legs started burning. Mom will scold me lots. Air was cold. Wanted to scream. Scared Bogeymen come. So I lay down again.

Dreamt. Mina walking. On her feet. Laughing. We played. She ran faster. I fell behind. Mom and Dad waved. Mom said to Mina, “Run.” Mina ran. I could not see her. Could not see Mom and Dad either.

Do not know how long. Suddenly woke up. Wet myself again. Before… Heard zip sound. Again. Voice. Big person voice. Said: “He messed himself.” Another voice: “Most are like this. How many kids? How old?” First voice: “Do not know. Five. Maybe more.” Did not open eyes. Inside me, I said: “Six.” When Sanaz’s mom asks, I say loud: “Six.” But scared of Bogeymen.

Voice said: “Check pockets. Anything useful?” Hand went in my pocket. Cold fingers. Rough. He pulled the paper from my pocket. He pulled his hand back. Fast. First man’s voice: “Body warm.” Second voice: “Talking nonsense. Possible?” First voice: “You touch. See warm or not?” Then… someone touched me again.

Touched many times. Suddenly… pain. In my leg. Man pinched me. Hard. Many times. Tried hard not to scream. But suddenly… I said: “Ow. Hurts.”

I opened eyes. Two men. White clothes. Mouths open. Looking at me. Then they went out. Fast. I lay on a metal bed. Light above. Bright. Hurt my eyes. Could not see around. Two big men came in again. One lifted me. Put me on floor. Said stand. He talked like grown-ups. Like when they tell you what to do. He said, “If someone asks… say you are my son. Son of Daniel.” “Repeat. Say what I said.” I said, “I am son of Daniel.” Man said, “Good.” Other man said, “Call his parents?” First man said, “Did not read the tag? Parents are here. Inside the warehouse.”

Second man said, “Oh. The two. Their baby…” First man said, “Say nothing.” He took my hand. We went out. Into a big room. Very big. Room full of black bags. With zips. Many bags.